There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical conditions.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. Why the death at that same bed on Fridays? So the doctors decide to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.... Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new unknowing patient laid there.....
Some doctors holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evils......... waiting....the patient was = resting still. then 8am...... 8:30am........
Just before the 'cursed' time...... the door to the ward swung open......
Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
husband-and-wife "touching story"
A man was walking across the road when he met an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be in coma for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.
He held her hands and said meaningfully : "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."
She squeezed his hands as he continued : "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."
He continued : "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband : "And now I met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me... There's something I'll really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion.
"Why am I so unlucky whenever you're beside me??!!!"
He held her hands and said meaningfully : "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."
She squeezed his hands as he continued : "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."
He continued : "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband : "And now I met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me... There's something I'll really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion.
"Why am I so unlucky whenever you're beside me??!!!"
Saturday, August 30, 2008
how many RJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: 4 whole faculties. One fac to design the new bulb, one fac to test it out, one fac to market it and one guy to write a stupid Email about lightbulbs.
Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.....to compete with RJC.........
Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.......one to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.
Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: NO LIGHT STILL CAN STUDY!!!!!
Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They're too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs...
Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change lightbulb??
A: None......they use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.
Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....only one teacher to tell them what a lightbulb is in the first place and to demonstrate(how do you think they're able to change it for AC?)
Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They'd prefer it darker..........(hmmm...*raise eyebrow*)......
Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None......Their physics is so bad that they make the male teacher cry.....
Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Would they bother??
Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....they believe in praying for it.
Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....they are still using oil lamps.
Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Huh, wat litebarb ...
Q: How you guys wonder who wrote this?
A: TJC!
Q: How many TJC students does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. They think they are very bright already.
Q: How many PJC students does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. They use natural light called sunlight. Duh.
Q: Who you guys wonder continued this?
A: PJC!
A: 4 whole faculties. One fac to design the new bulb, one fac to test it out, one fac to market it and one guy to write a stupid Email about lightbulbs.
Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.....to compete with RJC.........
Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.......one to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.
Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: NO LIGHT STILL CAN STUDY!!!!!
Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They're too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs...
Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change lightbulb??
A: None......they use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.
Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....only one teacher to tell them what a lightbulb is in the first place and to demonstrate(how do you think they're able to change it for AC?)
Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They'd prefer it darker..........(hmmm...*raise eyebrow*)......
Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None......Their physics is so bad that they make the male teacher cry.....
Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Would they bother??
Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....they believe in praying for it.
Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None.....they are still using oil lamps.
Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Huh, wat litebarb ...
Q: How you guys wonder who wrote this?
A: TJC!
Q: How many TJC students does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. They think they are very bright already.
Q: How many PJC students does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. They use natural light called sunlight. Duh.
Q: Who you guys wonder continued this?
A: PJC!
WHY PARENTS GET GREY HAIR!
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left at home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person that should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there with you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to daddy, and mommy, and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle,
"Me."
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left at home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person that should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there with you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to daddy, and mommy, and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle,
"Me."
an unlucky day
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst of my life.
First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting.
My boss, outraged, fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they said they could do nothing.
I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener.
I left home and came to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst of my life.
First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting.
My boss, outraged, fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they said they could do nothing.
I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener.
I left home and came to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."
WHY ENGLISH IS HARD TO LEARN
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
A:Have you seen my calf?
B: Do you mean your right or left calf?
A: Neither! I mean my calf outside in the meadows!!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why preachers never praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form as you fill it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
A:Have you seen my calf?
B: Do you mean your right or left calf?
A: Neither! I mean my calf outside in the meadows!!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why preachers never praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form as you fill it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
THE END
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