Before marriage....
He: Yes. Finally, after all these waiting.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
spelling test
Qn: How do you spell the short form of minutes?
Repeat you answer aloud.. letter by letter.. slowly.. with a question mark at the end.. hahaha!!
does it sound like....(click on the left dot below and drag your cursor to the one on the right..)
.am I an ass?.
Repeat you answer aloud.. letter by letter.. slowly.. with a question mark at the end.. hahaha!!
does it sound like....(click on the left dot below and drag your cursor to the one on the right..)
.am I an ass?.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
inspired by sayuri xiao cong..
妈妈: 早起的鸟儿有虫吃, 你还不快起来!
孩子: 我又不是鸟, 又不吃虫, 我才不起来!
爸爸: 早起的鸟儿有虫吃.. 你这懒惰虫还不起来!
孩子: 爸, 你都说了.. 我是虫, 早起的虫儿被鸟吃, 我才不起来呢!
爷爷:早起的鸟儿有虫吃, 早起的虫儿被鸟吃, 你要当鸟还是虫?
孩子: 我又不是鸟, 又不吃虫, 我才不起来!
爸爸: 早起的鸟儿有虫吃.. 你这懒惰虫还不起来!
孩子: 爸, 你都说了.. 我是虫, 早起的虫儿被鸟吃, 我才不起来呢!
爷爷:早起的鸟儿有虫吃, 早起的虫儿被鸟吃, 你要当鸟还是虫?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what
had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David:?But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
................
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
....................
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.........
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
-----------
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
---------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the
teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."
---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David:?But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
................
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
....................
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.........
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
-----------
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
---------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the
teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."
---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
Saturday, September 13, 2008
中秋节快乐!!!
"幸福" 就是猫吃鱼, 狗吃肉, 奥特曼打小怪兽.
"代沟"就是我问老爸 '菊花台' 怎么样, 老爸回答没喝过.
"自恋" 就是下辈子我一定要投胎做女人,然后嫁个我这样的男人!! =D
"无语" 就是,法官说:"你为什么印假钞?" ; 罪犯无辜地说:"因为我不会印真钞~~.."
"绝望"就是中午在食堂点了两个小菜, 吃了第一个我震撼了:"世界上还有比这更难吃的吗?"
吃了第二个我哭了"还真的有啊!!"
"诚意" 就是像我这样提前一年祝你中秋节快乐...
哈哈哈!!
somewhat-direct translation:
being blessed is: cat eat fish, dog eat meat, ultraman hit little mob.
generation gap is: I ask papa what he thinks of 'Ju hua tai' by Jay Chou and he answers "never drink before"
self-obsession is: in my next life I want to be born a man(woman) and marry a woman(man) like myself!!
speechless is: judge asks, "Why did you print counterfeit notes?"
prosecuted answers, "because I don't know how to print real ones "
hopeless is: during lunch, I order 2 dishes. After trying the first dish, I exclaimed,"Is there anything worse than this dish on earth??!" After trying the second, I cried," There really is!!! "
sincerity is: like me! wishing you a happy mid autumn festival one year earlier.
HAHA!!
"代沟"就是我问老爸 '菊花台' 怎么样, 老爸回答没喝过.
"自恋" 就是下辈子我一定要投胎做女人,然后嫁个我这样的男人!! =D
"无语" 就是,法官说:"你为什么印假钞?" ; 罪犯无辜地说:"因为我不会印真钞~~.."
"绝望"就是中午在食堂点了两个小菜, 吃了第一个我震撼了:"世界上还有比这更难吃的吗?"
吃了第二个我哭了"还真的有啊!!"
"诚意" 就是像我这样提前一年祝你中秋节快乐...
哈哈哈!!
somewhat-direct translation:
being blessed is: cat eat fish, dog eat meat, ultraman hit little mob.
generation gap is: I ask papa what he thinks of 'Ju hua tai' by Jay Chou and he answers "never drink before"
self-obsession is: in my next life I want to be born a man(woman) and marry a woman(man) like myself!!
speechless is: judge asks, "Why did you print counterfeit notes?"
prosecuted answers, "because I don't know how to print real ones "
hopeless is: during lunch, I order 2 dishes. After trying the first dish, I exclaimed,"Is there anything worse than this dish on earth??!" After trying the second, I cried," There really is!!! "
sincerity is: like me! wishing you a happy mid autumn festival one year earlier.
HAHA!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
10 marketing concepts.
Very Valuable marketing lessons...
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
That's DIRECT MARKETING.
2. You are at a party with a bunch of
friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her
and pointing at you says,
'He's very rich. Marry him!'
That's ADVERTISING.
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone
number.
The next day, you call her and
say, 'Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!'
That's TELEMARKETING.
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You get up and straighten your tie.
You walk up to her and pour her a
drink. You open the door for her. You
pick up her bag after she drops
it. You offer her a ride and you
say, 'By the way, I am very rich.
Will you marry me?'
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.
5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are
very rich. Can you marry me?'
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your
face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK .
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, I am very
rich. Marry me!'
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say anything, another person
comes along and tells her, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
That's MARKET COMPETITION.
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say anything, another person
comes along and tells her, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!
And she follows him.
That's LOSING MARKET SHARE .
10. You see a gorgeous girl at a
party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say, 'I am very rich. Marry me!',
YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!
That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET ENTRY
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
That's DIRECT MARKETING.
2. You are at a party with a bunch of
friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her
and pointing at you says,
'He's very rich. Marry him!'
That's ADVERTISING.
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone
number.
The next day, you call her and
say, 'Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!'
That's TELEMARKETING.
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You get up and straighten your tie.
You walk up to her and pour her a
drink. You open the door for her. You
pick up her bag after she drops
it. You offer her a ride and you
say, 'By the way, I am very rich.
Will you marry me?'
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.
5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are
very rich. Can you marry me?'
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your
face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK .
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, I am very
rich. Marry me!'
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say anything, another person
comes along and tells her, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!'
That's MARKET COMPETITION.
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say anything, another person
comes along and tells her, 'I am very
rich. Marry me!
And she follows him.
That's LOSING MARKET SHARE .
10. You see a gorgeous girl at a
party.
You walk up to her and before you can
say, 'I am very rich. Marry me!',
YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!
That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET ENTRY
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Why Chinese must not have English names
Anne Chang (Mandarin)- Dirty
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng (Mandarin) - Buttock
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Teng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before
P.s. apologies if you find you name up there..
p.p.s. Next time must think carefully when naming your child/children. =)
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng (Mandarin) - Buttock
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Teng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before
P.s. apologies if you find you name up there..
p.p.s. Next time must think carefully when naming your child/children. =)
Saturday, September 6, 2008
a conversation among gangsters..
big boss: remember to call me when you get the stuff, you fool!
Newbie: oh no.. Boss, how can I call you "fool"? that's disrespect for you!
big boss:I mean, call me later! You fool, can't you get what i'm trying to say?
Newbie: you really want me to call you "you fool"? Oh! Is that some sort of a code to use?
big boss: what youthful? crap.. you're really foolish.. I'll get another guy to do it.
Newbie: No please! I really want to do something for the club, boss... No, I mean you fool, where should I get the stuff?
Newbie: oh no.. Boss, how can I call you "fool"? that's disrespect for you!
big boss:I mean, call me later! You fool, can't you get what i'm trying to say?
Newbie: you really want me to call you "you fool"? Oh! Is that some sort of a code to use?
big boss: what youthful? crap.. you're really foolish.. I'll get another guy to do it.
Newbie: No please! I really want to do something for the club, boss... No, I mean you fool, where should I get the stuff?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)